


And We Will Be Gods

by orro



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, F/M, Imprisonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2623175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orro/pseuds/orro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon Lauchlan gets exactly what he wished for but nothing that he wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And We Will Be Gods

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season Two. Dark fic.

Van Ark stepped out of the helicopter, casual, without a guard. There was no need for a guard, not when he was immortal after all. There wasn’t anything Simon could do to him, if he ever had the intention. 

“Simon, how good of you to call.” 

The transmitter burned in Simon’s pocket, and he swallowed his guilt down. Sam had sent him out on a supply run, and they’d been going out beyond the reach of the cameras. Perfect for his secretive purposes. And the scanners could miss things, like solitary shamblers. He’d feigned a zombie sighting, and turned the headset off, then run to the location Van Ark had given him.

Simon held out the stack of papers he pulled from his bag, and Van Ark blinked once at him before taking them, leafing through. 

“The operator won’t notice they’re missing for weeks. I just grabbed what looked interesting. Sorry if they’re not helpful.” He hadn’t read them. He could feel less guilty that way, if he didn’t know what he was handing over.

“Any information on Abel is useful. But I suspect there’s another reason you swiped these.” Van Ark looked at him, then glanced around their empty surroundings. “You wanted me here, in person. Should I be suspecting an ambush courtesy of Abel?” 

Simon shook his head once before pushing the words out before he could take them back. He’d gone this far after all. 

“I want not just immortality for me, but for two other people. That you’ll keep safe, and won’t kill when you do whatever it is you’re going to do to Abel.” He spoke quickly, getting his words out in a rush before he could take them back. 

Because he didn’t have any more doubts. Not after Archie. He was in this. But he’d never been great with words, and he’d been fussing constantly trying to think of the right ones. His speech wasn’t elegant, but he needed this.

Van Ark folded the papers and slid them inside of his coat pocket, the stack sticking out slightly. The stained sheets contrasted his pure white clothes. 

“A steep price. You’re bargaining for three lives here, Simon.” Van Ark paused. “What are their names?” 

Simon swallowed. 

“One isn’t born yet.” 

Van Ark didn’t speak right away. He nodded once, a little curl of approval around his lips.

“Congratulations are in order then. Parenthood is, I’ve heard, lovely. I must say you seem taken with it already.” Van Ark smiled at him, amused. “And the lucky woman?” 

“Janine de Luca.” Simon could barely remember to breathe. 

Van Ark’s smile didn’t move. 

“Well, well.” 

“Do we have a deal?” Simon asked. He forced his voice to be polite and demure, even as all he wanted to do was run to Janine and sob the whole truth out. 

But Janine wouldn’t forgive him. Not for this. She would eventually though. Once they had all of eternity together, them and their child. She was a reasonable woman.

“Your terms, Simon, are difficult for me. Janine de Luca has been a thorn in my side. Between her and Major de Santa they’ve managed to keep Abel out of my reach. But if you deliver Abel to me I will spare her for you.”

Simon nodded, more tremble than nod. Van Ark reached over to clap him on the back, taking his hand and shaking it, congratulating him once again on his child, then left. Simon watched the helicopter go. He couldn’t breathe normal until it was out of sight. 

When Simon ran back into range of the headset Sam’s relief at hearing him again almost too painful.

#

Simon tried to stay away from the melee the day of the attack, a vial of poison burning in his pocket, waiting for the right opportunity. That Sara was a spy was a shock to him even as it made sense. Of course Van Ark would have more than one person here under his thumb. He wanted Abel badly for some reason. 

Simon didn’t ask and Van Ark didn’t tell. Not like he would have even if Simon had asked. Simon just did was he was told.

But he was too jumpy, too jittery. Janine would have noticed straight away that something was up. 

Or she might not have. She was just as surprised as everyone else at the news of Sara’s betrayal. Simon wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't. Not when he was exactly the same and worse. He was a traitor, not a hypocrite. He couldn’t do that to Janine, not on top of everything else. 

And he was out, running, though keeping his strength in check. He might need it later if everything went pear shaped. 

Though, as he took his headset off and crushed it beneath his shoe, so he could slip back into Abel without Sam noticing right away, it seemed like luck was on his side.

The township was a mess. Apparently Five and the Major were going to interrogate Sara, and though Janine had wanted to go, she wouldn’t. Not with a big six month pregnancy belly, at least. The gatekeepers saw him coming and opened the door, and he ran straight to the comms room where he had last heard Janine. 

“Maxine says you ought to get somewhere safe,” Simon told her, letting his worries show plainly. Whatever else he was, he was honestly concerned for her. Janine was stubborn enough that she’d want to fight. Give her a gun, and she’d be able to hold off a few zoms easy enough. But not the army that Van Ark was probably going to send this way.

“You’re alive!” Sam said, and Simon had to struggle not to roll his eyes. 

“Headset broke,” he said, which wasn’t technically a lie. He tried to look Sam in the eyes, but he couldn’t pull it off. He’d be dead soon, thanks to Simon. And Simon would get to live with knowing he killed him for the rest of his immortal life. Luckily Sam’s attention was broken as he checked back up on his runners.

Janine’s lips were in a thin line as she glared at him. 

“Simon, I don’t-”

“Janine, would you just please listen for once?” He wanted to scream. He needed her somewhere safe so she wouldn’t even be at risk for drinking the soon to be deadly water. He swallowed. “I need you to be safe, okay. Can you do that for me?” 

Janine looked at the screen then back at him. She hesitated, one hand gripping the desk, the other unconsciously dropping to her stomach. She had been doing that a lot lately, and each time it sent a spike of anxiety through Simon. He needed to protect them both.

“The Major will be interrogating Sara soon. I need to hear this.” She spat out Sara’s name and for a moment, Simon heard his own name in that tone. 

Simon begged again, but her look only hardened as she insisted she had to stay.

“He’s got a point, Janine,” Sam interjected, looking awkward. Janine glared at him but Sam shrugged, a little uneasy at getting in between what was essentially a marital spat. “I mean, it’s going to take you a while, right? Get there while you can...”

Simon hated the way Sam trailed his words off rather than outright saying it. Get out before you die, get out and get safe in case everything goes wrong. 

Janine closed her eyes for a moment, capitulating. She had another life to think about now and Simon was sure that was the only reason she agreed to leave the communications booth. She turned to Sam, informing him to tell her if anything needed her attention, that he was not to hesitate to call her back out. Simon helped her up, and he slung her headset onto his belt. He didn’t look back at Sam. 

“We should bring the children while we have the chance as well,” Janine said, quietly as she could while still speaking loudly enough over the commotion so Simon could hear her. People were fearful, but still mostly orderly; most of them were holding some type of bat or gun, ready should the worst happen. They expected zombies, not a traitor from within, not fouled water, especially that Sara had been unmasked, and they didn’t consider a second traitor still lurking. “Van Ark will definitely be trying to get Sara back, and Abel will be the first place he’ll search for her.” 

“Not everyone can fit down there,” Simon said, and Janine made a bitter sound. 

“No. They can’t.”

She didn’t say anything more which was just as well for Simon. It wasn’t enough to just poison the water, he had to make sure the nurses and doctors went down first, before they figured it out and warned everyone. And that would mean delivering it straight to them. 

He was too far gone to turn back now. Really, ever since he’d agreed, it’d been too late. Janine stiffened as they walked through the front door of her house. It had to be hard for her, hiding while everything was still happening. She would have definitely still been out there if she hadn’t been with child. 

Her only consoling thought was probably the headset on Simon’s belt, that she would still be able to listen and to advise Sam as needed, to remain in touch, but he wasn’t going to give that to her. Not so that she could hear Sam’s panic as people started to die around him or the operator’s last choking gasps. 

“It’ll be okay,” Simon said as Janine sat down with a heavy sigh. 

“You can’t promise that, Si,” she said, so softly. The noise was less here, though he could still hear people in the background. What would it be like for her, when it turned quiet with death? 

He kissed her, because he couldn’t say it again. Everything was going to be okay. He could promise it. It was going to get worse then it would be alright. She would see it that way in the end. 

“I’ll be right back,” Simon said, and if Janine had been able to, she might have shot up and demanded an answer out of him. As it was he just gave her confused expression a smile and a jaunty wave then walked out. He shut the door behind him and left. 

She had probably realized that she wouldn’t be able to open it on her own. And soon she’d realize that he had taken the headset with him though she might chalk that up to accident. But she would be safe in there until Van Ark came to get her. 

Simon winced and ran faster. He had a water supply to poison and then he had to get out before he saw anything. He didn’t want to see a body drop because of him.

#

Simon knew each body that was on the ground. No matter how hard he tried to look away from the blue asphyxiated corpses or the red viscera covered ones, he'd turn his head only to see another one. The ones who hadn't drunk the water had been killed by the army of zombies Van Ark had sent. If anyone survived, it might have been one of the runners out and away from Abel, though without their operator to guide them, their chances were slim.

Van Ark was watching him. The bastard was probably just curious about what was going on inside his head. Just watching him, wanting to see his reaction to the fact that all of these people were dead because of him. These people he might have once called friend, who might have thought the same of him. 

Simon looked to the farmhouse. "Can...I talk to her first? Alone?" 

"For a minute, I suppose. But we do need to be on our way. There is a matter of decomposition and clean up we'll need to do before I can properly inspect my prize," Van Ark said, wrinkling his nose a little. It didn't smell yet but it would start to soon. 

Simon ran ahead. He paused for a moment as he stepped into the farmhouse. Van Ark had assured him safety at his compound. This was his first time realizing that Janine would have to leave her family home. Even under ideal circumstances he doubted she would have been happy about that. 

Simon went to the basement, unlocking the padlock and sliding the chain out, ducking as soon as he opened the door. He wasn’t disappointed by the crash of a can. 

“Jesus, Jenny, you almost took my head off,” he said, his voice a little high pitched. He’d been expecting something but every nerve in his body was wound up, and it’d still scared him.

Janine dropped the other can in her hand and rushed over to him.

“You forgot the headset,” she hissed but with a touch of concern. She probably thought he forgot in the mayhem. Giving him the benefit of the doubt. Because that’s what you did with people you loved, you thought the best of them. “Si, it’s gone too quiet.”

She was holding onto him, fingers gripping into his arms, as if only by touch could she assure herself that he was really here and alive. She’d been worried that he’d died or worse. And without a headset, she’d had no way to communicate with anyone, to hear or give orders. Simon gave her a tentative smile. 

“I’m alright. And it’s going to be fine. But we’ve got to get out of here. You trust me, right, Jenny?”

Janine blinked. “Of course but what-”

“Because you have to trust me, okay? Everything is going to be okay, but, you just, you gotta trust me on this.” Simon tried to meet her eyes, mostly succeeding. She had to believe him.

Janine didn’t nod or shake her head. She looked at him, searching, suspicious. Simon wanted to bite his words back but it was too late. Too late for so many decisions. But she did follow him when he took her arm and led her back out. 

She inhaled at the sight of the first body and didn’t let it go. Simon watched her warily, ready to catch her if she should just collapse. She’d be gone from here soon though. In a few years, maybe decades, she would forget this all, and it’d be a faint memory of a nightmare. He was sure of it.

“What happened-”

“Ah, Janine de Luca. We haven’t had the pleasure,” Van Ark said, giving her a sickeningly sweet smile. He was standing with a small group of guards. The zombies were at the edges of the township, a distant hum of groans.

Janine’s eyes widened for a moment before narrowing, and her mouth split into a silent snarl. If Simon hadn’t been holding onto her, or really, holding her back now, she probably would have thrown herself right at him. 

And she noticed too. She whipped her head to give Simon an incredulous look, asking without words why he was still holding onto her and not helping her to kill Van Ark. Simon couldn’t meet her eyes now. He looked at Van Ark, nodding at him, and Van Ark gestured to the helicopter at the edge of the ruined township. 

“Simon.” Janine understood enough and her arm was limp in his hand. Simon swallowed, the look of betrayal in her eyes and face too much. 

“Come on, Jenny,” he said, trying to force a note of cheer into his voice. He failed but even his attempt seemed to stir the beginnings of rage in her demeanor. “Gotta get to the chopper and out of here.” 

Janine didn’t say anything for a moment. She looked over the remains of Abel, littered with corpses, and Simon could feel her blaming him for each of them. 

“To Van Ark’s, you mean,” she said. Her voice was a breathless whisper. 

“To somewhere safe,” Simon said, and Janine laughed a little. 

“I doubt anywhere is safe with someone like you,” she said, voice dripping with loathing.

Simon lowered his eyes to the ground. He began walking, and after a decided tug, Janine fell into step with him. She wasn’t looking at the ground. She was looking around, committing each former resident and once standing building to memory. 

“You can’t stay,” he said in a soft voice. He tried to hurry her, to keep her from looking as much as possible, but she would not walk faster. 

“No, I can’t,” Janine agreed. She still wouldn’t look at him even as he helped her into Van Ark’s helicopter. She stared out the window, determined to get one last look at the ruins, and Simon couldn’t stop her from doing this much. “Abel’s gone.”

#

Simon paced around the small room, flittering from looking around to looking to Janine, who was firmly ignoring him. She hadn't said a word since they'd climbed aboard the helicopter. Her breathing had hitched upon seeing Van Ark's compound, but she hadn't said anything, even when they’d been led to this room and the door locked behind them.

Simon wasn't sure if that was better or worse than screaming at him. He almost wanted her to. This waiting was almost too much to bear. When Van Ark walked in, he sighed in relief, opposite of Janine who tensed up.

“Hello, Miss de Luca. Or perhaps it’s Mrs. Lauchlan now? I suppose that’s a trivial concern. Post apocalyptic world and all. I highly doubt anyone is keeping track of marital records.” Van Ark was smiling with each word, and Simon hated to see it. He’d won. And he’d won thanks to Simon. 

"De Luca," Janine said coldly. It hurt more than Simon had thought it would. 

“We found your little hidden laboratory," Van Ark said, and Simon blinked at that. Hidden laboratory? Abel didn't have anything like that. Janine didn't seem surprised at his words though. "It seems there’s a code on the door. I assume you know it. I’m also rather certain you won’t divulge it.” 

“You assume correctly on both accounts,” Janine snapped. Simon wanted to put his hands in his head. Of course Janine was going to be stubborn about this. He didn’t think she’d give in right away, but he did hope that she would have been a little more aware of the situation. There was no point in fighting anymore. 

But Janine would never go down with at least a token fight. 

Van Ark gave a little fake sigh. “I don’t think you understand the position you’re in, Mrs. Lauchlan.” 

“I understand perfectly,” Janine said. “Abel was betrayed but that doesn’t mean I’m about to do the same.” 

Van Ark watched her for a moment. 

“It’s a great regret of mine I promised not to harm you.”

Janine didn’t respond to that. 

“One way or another, I will get into that laboratory. It’s only a matter of time. You’d make this much easier on us all if you’d just hand over that little code.” 

“I would rather die-”

Van Ark interrupted her with a laugh. “That’s not an option for you anymore.” 

Janine looked confused, and Van Ark’s grin widened. 

“Oh he didn’t tell you. I suppose you’ll have time aplenty now. Simon, do be sure to tell her the good news.” 

“Right,” Simon said weakly. Now Janine looked at him but with disgust amidst her confusion. 

“I’ve made an example of one of your runners before,” Van Ark said, and Simon held his breath. He’d never meant for Archie to die. “And after all, you won't be pregnant forever.”

“If you touch my child I will find a way to kill you,” Janine said, and Simon didn’t doubt that for a second. 

Van Ark sighed and ignored her, turning to Simon instead. 

“As agreed, Simon; much as it pains me to let her alone. I do hope you’ll find your new quarters suitable. Bit of a scramble to find you a larger room, but a child does need ample room to grow, I feel.” 

“I’m sure we’ll like it,” Simon said as Van Ark handed him a key then left. 

Simon turned the silver key over in his hands. For a moment he could see Janine’s warped reflection in the shiny metal, then she turned away. 

“Jenny, I.” He didn’t know what to say. Instead he swallowed his words. He forced himself to speak cheerfully. “Come on, Jenny, we’ve got a new place to look at. I hope it’s got room for a crib. Keep dreaming I’ll roll over and squash our kid.” 

The look of venom he got thrown his way was near enough to make him falter. But it was too late to go back. These first few weeks would be the roughest. Janine would hate him, yes, but she couldn’t hate him for all eternity. 

#

The first two days were filled with trying to awkwardly coexist in the same space when Janine would like nothing more than to strangle him, something that Simon was painfully aware of each time he met her eyes. 

Van Ark didn’t help when he comes in, smiling and congenial to tell them he has broken down the door. A man with an army of zombies and rocket launchers at his disposal versus one door; even in all of her stubbornness Janine could have seen the outcome to that one. It hadn’t stopped her from holding onto the code.

There were two rooms, one for presumably the happy couple and a smaller one for a child. Simon elected to sleep in the second room just so that Janine could get some sleep herself. He was pretty sure she would have stayed up just to avoid sleeping beside him. And even when he got up in the middle of the night to check to make sure she didn’t try to make some kind of ill conceived escape, her sleep was uneasy, and he quickly left to avoid waking her up. 

He stood at her door, a ‘good night’ on his lips, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it when it would just be ignored. 

“He offered me immortality,” Simon blurted out instead, but Janine didn’t even acknowledge him. She didn’t get up and leave the room though so Simon took that as she was listening, at least. “He said I’d never die, that I’d never get turned into a zombie.”

Janine didn’t say anything at all. 

“He’s going to win in the end. That’s what immortality means. He could just wait us all out. He’d have gotten Abel sooner or later.” 

It didn’t seem like Janine was going to answer him. Then she shifted and some focus came back into her eyes. 

“No,” Janine said. “You gave it to him. You killed everyone there to save yourself. You’re just as much of a monster as he is.” 

Simon inhaled slowly but Janine wasn’t done. 

“You ought to have let me die there.”

“I-”

“I wish I’d never let you into Abel.” Janine said as she turned away from him. 

#

A week later and still Janine hadn’t said much to him since that day Simon had confessed what had turned him traitor. 

“Reckon the doctor’s got any sweets?” Simon asked Janine as he tapped his foot against the wall of the doctor’s office. She didn’t laugh or give him an indulgent smile as she would have, but he wasn’t expecting anything. He just had to wait her out and she’d come around. She’d see that this was a better way. She would.

Especially once the kid was born. A little immortal family. No need to worry over the kid and whatever it got into. Maybe she didn’t care for immortality herself but to never have to fear having her child die before her was surely something she could come to appreciate.

A woman in a lab coat walked into the room and she looked them both over before extending her hand to Simon.

“Ah, hello. I’m Doctor Paula Cohen. Professor Van Ark asked me to look after you two,” she said, eyeing Janine. Wasn’t exactly hard to tell what they were here for. 

Simon introduced himself and Janine, who barely bothered to lift her head. He listened to Dr. Cohen as she explained how though she wasn’t an obstetrician or gynecologist, she was the best qualified of everyone in Van Ark’s facility, most of which went over Simon’s head. 

He did his best to answer her questions since Janine didn’t seem encouraged to speak. Probably thought the doctor would report everything right back to Van Ark. Well. She probably would. Still no reason to be rude though. 

“If you don’t mind stepping out so I can ask Mrs. Lauchlan some personal questions?” Paula asked. Simon nodded and clapped Janine on the shoulder. 

“Answer her questions, kay, Jenny?” he said in a jovial tone. 

Simon stepped outside, staying right by the door, though even right there he couldn’t hear much. Janine came out a few minutes later. She looked at him, something different about her, even as he couldn’t pin it down. 

“Do you wanna walk around a bit? Get you out of the room? It’s not healthy to be cooped up there, day in and day out.” 

Janine hesitated then nodded, taking his arm. 

“Yes, I think a walk would do me good.” 

Simon brightened up. He had to force himself to settle for just giving her a big smile. Didn’t want to spook her off now that she was finally talking to him civilly again. 

#

Meals were the only time Janine deigned to come out of the bedroom. For the most part Simon let her be. There was no use trying to coax her around and anything he said would be ignored. Simon was playing the long game here, and this was the hardest part, to be so close, to have won, and still not have the prize in his hand. 

But now that she said 'good morning' and 'good night' to him even those few words made him relaxed. Janine wasn't stupid. She could see that Van Ark had won, that Simon had made his choice, and it'd been for the winning team. 

But still. He watched her, worried she'd make an escape attempt, or decided death was better than this. He hoped she wouldn't, especially that she was carrying their child, but when he had nothing to do all day, and she'd be locked up in the room, his worries tended to spiral out of control. The only time he could check up on her was at night, and even then, he had to be quick about it. 

Simon waited until he couldn’t put it off any longer. Tomorrow he would be up bright and early to train runners for Van Ark. Fuel was not as scarce for him as it had been at Abel, but it would still be helpful to have people who could run, at least for trips closer to the base. 

Simon also suspected there were other plans for the runners but didn’t say anything yet. Not like he would refuse at this point. Van Ark hadn’t technically given him the serum for immortality yet. It wasn’t perfect yet, and Van Ark himself had to clean out his blood out every day to keep from turning complete zombie. 

“I’ll be going out most days soon,” Simon said as he handed her a breakfast plate. If nothing else she had to at least appreciate the food. Van Ark could enjoy the finer things in life. 

Janine glanced at him but other than that had nothing to say. Simon swallowed nothing and tried again. 

“Well you know, I can’t just be sitting around on my arse, taking up supplies.” 

“Can’t have you wasting Van Ark’s precious supplies,” Janine said dryly, taking a large bite of her food. She didn't seem to enjoy it even in that burst of spite. 

“I’ll be training people to be runners.” Simon said. 

Janine thought that over then she burst out with a sharp laugh. 

“It’s not enough Van Ark takes my township, he has to take our runner’s program as well? Fantastic.” 

Simon looked at his food. His appetite had quickly left him, but he forced himself to take another bite. He’d need his energy. He’d spent a week lounging around, the only exercise he got was his nervous twitching, and he’d be getting back and hitting the ground running, so to speak. There were construction plans for a gym and he’d be consulting on those as well, and for now, they just had an empty lot. 

“Most of these people aren’t like Van Ark. They just want to live. and I can help some of them, maybe save themselves. Give them the skills to survive.” 

“You can all die,” Janine said, with a twisted smile. There was a thing of hopefulness to it, as if by saying the words aloud, she could make it happen. 

Simon shoved his food away, and Janine’s smile didn’t grow in size, though it did turn sharper. He could give her all of the little victories she wanted, the point of the matter was that he had gotten his way in the end. 

“I’ll be back late. So don’t wait up,” he said. He didn’t bother trying to sound falsely cheerful. No doubt inside she was relieved to have a whole day away from him, though she wouldn’t show it. Not his Jenny. 

He got up and kissed her head; she barely tolerated it. Probably only let it happened because he’d surprised her. They hadn’t had much physical contact, and Simon ached for it. Even before, when they’d been hiding from the township, both of them trying to deny that what they’d had was more real than a quick apocalyptic fling, they’d touched more in a day than they had in this past week. 

Simon let himself out and leaned back against the door, sighing. His eyes were wet and he didn’t brush them for a moment before pressing his hands against his eyes. He reminded himself that this was a waiting game, and he could do it. 

#

Getting back into running a bit felt great. Simon was practically floating as he made his way back to his place. His very own place, not just a cot or a shack, but his own room and home. Soon as Janine forgave him, and she would in the end, it’d be perfect. 

Van Ark had picked a good crop of runners too. They’d breezed through the first set of laps he’d made them take though they’d started stumbling through the second batch. He’d kept back from laughing; running for your life was a skill that tended to deteriorate quick.

Simon hesitated in front of the door though. It was good that he had something to do during the day. He loved Janine, but the constant anger was hard to live with. And though he could, and would, wait her out, that didn’t make it any easier. 

Paula and Janine looked up from the table as he came into the room. 

“Hey, Doctor Cohen,” Simon said, confused. For a brief moment he was worried something was wrong with Janine or the baby, but then Paula went up to him and without warning slapped him across the face. 

“You bastard,” she spat at him then left. 

Simon pressed a hand to his cheek where she’d connected and looked at Janine, who smiled cruelly at him. 

“What was that?” he asked. 

“Doctor Cohen was Maxine Myer’s girlfriend,” Janine said. 

Simon stopped breathing for a moment. Of course Janine wouldn’t have held back. Everything she could possibly use she was going to fling it at him with full force. 

“What is she even doing here?” Simon gripped, wishing they had a mirror to see if she left a bruise. 

“She wanted to make sure I was alright,” Janine said. She was still smiling. “She mentioned I was looking quite a bit abused and battered.” 

“Christ, Jenny, I wouldn’t do that,” Simon said, scandalized she would even say something like that. Simon was many things but abusive, he was not. 

Janine was still smiling that cruel smile, and as much as he hated it, he didn’t look away. He’d caused that. He’d caused all of this, and it was his to bear. 

“Oh? I also assumed you wouldn’t betray Abel. You’ll forgive me if i find it hard to believe much of you, Mr. Lauchlan.”

Simon slammed his hands onto the table. Janine didn’t move except to lift her head to look at him better. The room seemed smaller than ever as they stared each other down. 

“I won, Janine. He won. The sooner you accept it, the better for all of us. Especially our kid.” 

“He won because of you.” 

“Yeah, I helped him. And I’d do it again. I’d do it for us.” 

“For us?” Janine said with a laugh. 

“All three of us,” Simon said. “I didn’t just bargain for myself, Jenny. You too. And our baby. We’ll all be immortal.” 

Janine had frozen at that. She didn’t seem to know what to say or where to even look. Simon smiled and gave a helpless laugh. This was the wrong reaction. She should be happy for their baby, if nothing else. But he could make her see. 

“Isn’t this great? The three of us, together. We won’t have to worry about our kid getting hurt. They’ll be safe, even in this shit of a world.”

Simon didn’t reach out to touch her but his hand must have moved too close because she shot up and moved away. 

“Don’t touch me,” she said, horrified. “You think- you want me to be happy over this? This is what you sold my home out for? Everyone in Abel? Their blood is on your hands, for this. For your selfish, cowardly-” 

“I did this for us,” Simon shouted. He shook; it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Janine was supposed to understand him, she was supposed to love him. He would have sworn just a month ago that she loved him, but she just wouldn’t listen to him. 

He had stood up as he had shouted and he sat back down despite the way his hands still trembled. He slowly curled them into fists and tried to take a deep breath. 

“I did this all for us,” he said, softer. 

Janine’s face had gone white. But her eyes were dark. 

“No,” she said in a whisper, “this was for you. I would rather be a corpse at Abel than here with you.” 

Simon didn’t say anything as she went to the room and shut the door behind her. 

#

They fell into a pattern, much to Janine’s disgust. Simon went out each day, training the new runners. He was proven right when after a month, Van Ark pulled him out one day, describing his plan to have runner infiltrate certain bases that he hadn’t managed to get people inside to turn to his cause.

In all honesty, Simon was surprised he hadn’t people in Mullins and New Canton already. Considering that New Canton let everyone in, and Mullins rarely turned people away, it seemed to him that it should have been easy. 

But he didn’t ask questions. He did as he was ordered; after Abel, or no, after Archie, there was no point in worrying. He was in too deep and if he fell any further, well, it’s not like Janine would ever forgive him. 

He had eternity in his palm but now he wasn’t sure if even that was long enough for Janine. 

No, that was his self doubt talking; hadn’t he always been weak? That was all this was, another moment of endless weakness because that’s what he was. He was a traitor and a coward and pathetic but he was alive and would be forever. None of that mattered if his soul were never judged. 

And if nothing else Janine would have to be civil for the sake of their child. Their baby, which not even Janine could deny him, not while they lived under Van Ark’s roof. And she would love the child, he was sure, even if it looked exactly like him. 

Simon sighed as he finished his last lap and went to grab his access pass from the lockers by the small snack bar. The gym was still being built, but their outdoor court had been furnished up nicely in the past two months. He could practically live here if it weren’t for the night cold. He almost wanted to. His apartment was filled with Janine’s loathing for him, thick enough that he could almost see it. 

But it was his hard won prize, as was she, and he had every right to enjoy it. 

And anyway, it wasn’t like he could go bunk with someone else. He was as good as married. And like a good traitor he didn’t trust anyone, too paranoid that someone would be using him for their own ends. 

Janine might have liked that though, getting the apartment all to herself for a night. She didn’t sleep well. But she refused to take anything and anyway, she couldn’t, with the baby inside of her. Simon was sure that sleep was important as well but any offers or suggestions he made were only met with sharp looks and cutting words. 

He preferred getting yelled at to the usual dead silence though. 

Simon nodded and waved to the people in the hallways as he made his way up the flights of stairs. He didn’t bother to get to know the neighbors but it wouldn’t do to be rude. He didn’t want to know about them, didn’t want to know if they were captive here or just as sick as him and here of their own free will. Nope, he would keep his world carefully ignorant and small. 

Him, Janine, and their child. Forever. That was his wish. Everyone else was just background noise and scenery. 

Simon slid his card to unlock his door and stepped in. “I’m back,” he said, trying to make his voice sound normal and cheerful. Some days he managed it but it never did any good. Not like Janine would come up to him with a smile and a warm touch. 

God he missed touching her. 

Simon frowned at the quiet. He looked around but Janine wasn’t in the kitchen. It didn’t feel like she was asleep though; the whole place felt empty. He ran to the rooms, heart pounding in his throat as he realized that they were both empty. Had she escaped? Impossible. The place was crawling with guards and outside were only zombies. She’d be captured or killed, and she couldn’t run. She couldn’t get away. 

Before Simon could get into a good panic he heard a knock at the door and opened it to see a man in scrubs, a little out of breath. 

“Mr Lauchlan? Dr. Cohen asked me to come and get you since you don’t have a phone connection. Your wife is in labor.” 

Simon blinked and opened his mouth to inform the man that Janine was not his wife but then remembered that Janine wasn’t here to hear him. Because she was having their baby. 

He followed after the nurse but as soon as they arrived, another nurse blocked his entrance and called for Doctor Cohen. They didn’t argue with words but it was clear they were at odds. Simon smiled briefly; so even the medical staff had schisms. 

"Mr. Lauchlan," Dr. Cohen said, lips set. "I'm sorry, we couldn't find you."

"No problem," Simon said, knowing it for the bald faced lie it was. Janine knew exactly where he went to each day because he told her even if she didn't say a thing back to him. 

"Unfortunately, there's not much room here, and I've restricted this area to medical personnel only. You'll have to wait." 

Simon tried to look in but there was that nurse standing right behind Dr. Cohen, blocking his sight. From the look of her gaze it wasn't accidental. 

"Get him out of here,” Janine said, half snarl, half pained gasp. 

Simon tackled the nurse and broke his way in to see Janine on the bed, panting, drenched in sweat and propping herself up to glare at him. The nurse and Dr. Cohen were at him, voices raised, but it was a din in his ears. 

He tried to say something, but nothing came to mind. There were hands and arms on him, pulling him away, and he let his feet slide along the linoleum. 

He should be there. He couldn’t be there. Janine didn’t want him there by her side as she bore their child.

They threw him out, but he barely noticed. The nurse had who come to collect him was speaking in a comforting voice but Simon didn’t hear what he said. All he could think about was how beautiful Janine was and how much she hated him. 

He loved her so much. 

Simon swallowed and realized he was alone in the hallway. People were giving him curious looks, attention attracted by the yelling, and he blinked blankly at them, barely marshalling a glare that sent a few of them scurrying and averting their eyes. 

He sat down right by the door, determined to wait. Janine might not want him there, but he was going to wait right here. He was going to be there for her whether she wanted it or not. In a few years, or decades, or centuries, she would appreciate it. 

There was no way she wouldn’t. Janine valued loyalty and Simon was more than loyal to her. He loved her.

#

Simon smiled as he walked into the makeshift maternity ward a few hours later. Dr. Cohen hadn't been able to keep him out even that long. She wasn't around anywhere nor was the nurse. But Simon was sure they were lurking about. 

The important part was their child, a healthy baby boy, was here and he was a father now. Janine would soften, she would. She wouldn't make the baby suffer, and a growing child would do better with parents who got along. She'd forgive him for the sake of the baby. 

And he'd already forgiven Janine for keeping him out. What were grudges worth to him? No point in holding onto such petty slights, not when they had eternity. 

"I'll say it first, I forgive you, Janine," he said, ignoring the way she sighed. No energy to fight back. Simon felt slightly guilty for rejoicing in that fact. But he was so tired of being hated. 

Simon reached out to take his son but Janine's arms tightened around the baby. Simon froze and slowly lowered his arms, clenching his fists. 

He reminded himself that he had won. Janine had given birth to their child in Van Ark's compound. He'd won. 

"What's his name?" Simon asked gently. Let her name him. Let her have something. He wouldn't get Janine to relax if he kept lording over the fact that he'd gotten his way in the end. She was here, she was with him; that was enough for now. 

“His name is Ethan,” Janine said. 

“Ethan Lauch-” Simon began to roll the name around in his mouth.

“Ethan de Luca,” she interrupted.

Simon froze. She had her gaze trained on him, surefire as any gun she had once held. And somehow infinitely more lethal. She dared him to protest. Her hair was damp from her sweat, her face was lined with pain still, and where there wasn’t pain there was exhaustion, but Simon didn’t go nearer. 

“He’s beautiful,” Simon said, so quietly he couldn’t even hear himself. But she had heard it. There was no way she would miss it.

Janine turned away from him, and from the grip she had on the boy, Simon knew he wouldn’t be holding his son today. If Janine had it her way he’d have never laid eyes on the baby. 

Simon began rambling, about how Ethan would grow up safe from the horrors of the outside world, and how he was such a strong looking boy. Anything to diminish Janine’s look. She didn’t respond to anything he said but he hadn’t been expecting that. 

Simon left after a few minutes, insisting he had business to take care of, not even bothering to kiss Janine. What was even the point? He’d miscalculated. Something was different and he couldn’t understand. 

#

“Home, sweet home,” Simon crowed as he wheeled Janine into their flat. The nurse had insisted on providing the wheelchair. Considering that Janine was still exhausted, and even more determined not to look at Simon, he’d been thankful for it. 

She glared at him as he held out his hand to help her out but it was either give the baby to him so she could get out herself or accept his help. Janine shifted the baby to one arm and grasped Simon’s hand, surprisingly firm. 

“Look,” he said softly, while he had his hands on her, “I know you’re going to be stubborn and try to do it all, but I’m right here to help you with Ethan. He’s my kid too and I’m ready to do all of those early mornings and diapers, okay?” 

“How noble of you to offer,” Janine said once she was in bed again. Simon put Ethan beside her and she reached over to set him on her lap. He was staring around with unfocused eyes. 

"I'm going to be here for him." Simon didn't say anything about his parents but Janine knew. She couldn't doubt him in this. Whatever else she currently thought of him, not even she could deny that he ached to be a good father to what could be his only son.

"Forever, you meant to add," Janine said. 

She said it to hurt him but Simon nodded because it was true. He knelt beside the bed, wishing he could reach over to hold her hand, but even if she hadn’t been holding onto Ethan, she wouldn’t have allowed it. 

"Yeah, that's right. You too. I'll be here for the both of you forever." 

Janine let out an odd sound, an almost bitter laugh but more like just a sharp exhale. 

"You say that like you believe it's comforting. I assure you, Runner Three, it's quite the opposite." 

Simon gave a heavy sigh. “That’s me, always saying the wrong thing.” 

She turned away from him, looking down at the baby in her lap. 

“You’re pretty talkative lately,” Simon said. 

Janine’s lips twitched. 

“I gave birth to my child in my enemy’s keep. The people I was charged to protect, the task I was given, I’ve failed in them both because of you. Would you prefer me mute in my grief?” 

“I want you, us, to be happy,” Simon said. 

“Which you seem to believe will happen in time. Because Van Ark has promised you eternity.” 

“And you and Ethan.” 

Janine didn’t say anything right away. 

“Yes,” she said slowly. “Eternity for us all in exchange for Abel. Their lives to extend your own.” 

“Our own,” Simon insisted. 

Janine’s arms tightened around Ethan. 

“Get out,” she whispered. “Just. Get out of here. Stop, stop looking at us like that. Like you care about us.” 

“Janine, you know I do-” 

“Out!” 

Simon stood up. Janine was too riled up. He’d be undoing everything if he stayed. Even though it was good to hear her talk, even if she was just blaming him, it was best if he left. 

“Okay, I’m going. But I’ll be back. I told you, I promised to be here for Ethan.” 

He was a father now, after all, and left the room, leaving Janine with their child. 

#

The calendar said it was a Saturday and while days off didn’t exactly happen in the apocalypse, he tended to finish up early on the weekends. Though today he was skipping out on work entirely. The main runners could do a morning routine on their own and the people who came by just to exercise, he could wave them away at least for today. Not that anyone would report him. The women runners, and some of the men, were cooing over Ethan. 

It’d been a while since people had seen a healthy baby here. 

He watched as Ethan was traded from person to person, fretting a little, swearing to himself that the first person to drop him would deeply regret their mistake and idly thinking up a suitable punishment, when people began to whisper and leave. 

Simon took Ethan back and was about to begin buckling him in the carrier when he heard a familiar voice call his name. He looked up to see Van Ark standing beside him, a pleasant smile on his face, as if he wasn’t aware that the crowd of people had dispersed at his arrival. 

“He’s a popular lad, isn’t he? I’ve been busy but it’s still rude of me not to have come to see him sooner.” 

“Er, no, you’re busy,” Simon said, feeling like someone had already said that. 

“Do you mind if I hold him?” Van Ark asked. 

Simon didn’t answer for a moment, barely keeping his jaw from dropping, and he quickly nodded his head and answering in the affirmative. He placed Ethan in his arms, mindful of his head, murmuring it aloud as well. 

Van Ark didn’t take offense, probably recognizing it as a parent’s worrying nature, but Simon needn’t have worried, as Van Ark slowly began to rock him gently. 

“He’s healthy, Dr. Cohen tells me,” Van Ark said, with a hint of question in his voice. 

“Healthy and fit,” Simon declared proudly, unable to help boasting. He didn’t know what Janine did with him during the day but Ethan seemed to be doing alright. As he’d suspected, she hadn’t taken her anger out on the child. 

“Good, good,” Van Ark said before lapsing into thought again. 

Simon watched, fascinated despite himself. He hadn’t thought that Van Ark had cared, that he’d just agreed for his son’s safety because it meant getting Abel. But the way Van Ark held Ethan, Simon wasn’t so sure anymore. 

“He’ll never had need to fear for his life,” Van Ark said softly. “A world where mankind can pursue their every dream without being held back. So many of us have been afraid, and we limit ourselves.” 

“Yeah,” Simon agreed in a whisper. 

“But soon that will be a thing of the past.” 

Simon didn’t say anything. This was exactly what he wanted, exactly what Van Ark had promised him. So why did it feel like he was saying something unpleasant? 

“There’s a lot of hope resting with your boy, you know. And your wife as well.” 

“Janine?” Simon asked, confused. He ignored the wife part. That was complex enough. 

“Oh yes. There’s some ill will from those who know exactly what an obstacle she was to our obtaining Abel. As promised, she’s off limits, but everyone does need to carry their weight. Resources are so limited. And she’s proven healthy enough for childbirth.” 

Van Ark took one of Ethan’s hands in his own, marvelling over the size and shape of it for a moment. Simon couldn’t decide if it was more adorable or terrifying. He forced himself to think of it as the former. 

“There'll be some trials, of course, that we couldn’t perform on Ethan. His survival was the priority, of course, but once you don’t wish to have anymore, Mrs. Lauchlan could provide some very valuable assistance to discovering how an immortal human body reacts to pregnancy and childbirth.” 

Simon’s gut dropped as he realized what Van Ark was hinting at. Janine already couldn’t forgive him for bargaining for immortality. If he consented to letting her be experimented on, to experiment on an unborn child she would have to carry, and to let that child be given away; he couldn’t even begin to sort out what he was feeling over it, let alone what she would do presented with the same scenario. 

“Well, uh, I dunno about that. We haven’t decided if we want anymore kids. Janine might not want to do another pregnancy, you know,” he said in what he hoped was a light hearted tone. 

“There are other people who would like to have children,” Van Ark said. And of course there were. Anyone who had been turned and saved by Van Ark, they couldn’t have kids, could they? Not with zombie blood pumping through their system. 

Simon felt his skin itch and he clenched and unclenched his hands to keep from scratching at his skin. 

“Yeah, well, like I said, we don’t know. New parents, you know? I was a single child and I dunno if I like the idea of Ethan being one too. We might want a brother or sister for him. Maybe one of each even.” 

“Oh I wouldn’t want to take your children from you.” Van Ark said amicably. “Should you want more children, of course, they would come first before any others.” 

Simon nodded and Van Ark handed Ethan back to him, assuring him what a strong boy he seemed to be, praising him for it. He blankly watched Van Ark return to the buildings. No one else came near them again, probably rightly guessing that he was a disaster inside of his head. 

He mechanically put Ethan back in his carrier and made his way back to his flat. Janine scooped Ethan up and holed herself up in her room as soon as he was inside, but this suited Simon for once. 

He couldn’t let Janine be experimented on, but Van Ark had promised that she’d have immortality as well. So he wouldn’t have planned to kill her or hurt her too much. Simon still knew she would never agree to it though. 

He could hear her murmuring to Ethan through the thin walls and decided not to say anything just yet. Janine still hated him more days than not, but now, with Ethan taking up so much of her energy, she had to be civil to him and actually discuss Ethan. 

He still had time. Janine wouldn’t be ready to have another child for a while, right? So he still had time. He could figure out a way to tell her where she wouldn’t try to kill him right away. And if they had another kid or two, that would buy them more time. 

And if they had more kids, maybe that would be enough for Janine to stop hating him entirely and to act like a normal person around him again, for the sake of the kids. 

#

“It was my Nan,” Simon said. 

He knew Janine would be awake. She never fell asleep before him and he’d been puttering around for the last hour. He’d barged into her room, needing to tell her something before he told her that Van Ark had held her child. 

“She told me I’d, I was damned. I’d go to hell, just like my mum. God, I used to pray like mad to understand. To think maybe I could get out of it. The nuns liked to see me, thought I was so devout until I hit my teens and I started, well, you know, being a teenager.” 

Janine looked more than a little confused but he kept talking. 

“And I knew, I didn’t know. I don’t want to burn in Hell, was all I thought. I think she thought she was helping me. Like. If she made sure I knew I was hellbound, then if she told me, I could fix myself. I could change my ways and be saved. 

But I couldn’t because how do you change something like that? When you’re born with so much sin that it’s right in your blood and soul. You can’t pray that sort of thing away. It’s a part of you, forever and ever, amen, right? 

So I stopped trying, stopped praying, and I just had myself a bit of fun. I didn’t think, I tried not to think about the end. Because we all die. And you can’t stop that. Not with praying or medicine or anything. 

Except now you can. Here at the end of the world, when it’s all gone to rot and shit, you can stay alive forever. And I took it, Jenny, as soon as Van Ark offered me that chance I took it because I don’t want to die, to burn forever in hell.” 

Sometime Janine had pulled Ethan into her lap and she was watching Simon warily. He wondered how mad he looked. He must have looked pretty bad. But he wanted her to understand. 

It seemed the more he spoke the further he drove her away. And that was the opposite of what he wanted. But Janine couldn’t, wouldn’t understand him. No matter what or how he said it, she never understood him. 

“That doesn’t-I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” Janine said finally. “You sacrificed Abel. That was a choice you made, Simon.” 

“I had to,” Simon said. “I had to, Jenny. Can’t you see that?” 

Janine didn’t say anything more. But for once it wasn’t because of her anger. She looked confused, and she kept giving him an odd look, as if she wanted to calm him down. 

Simon barked out a laugh. She couldn’t understand. Janine was always so sure of herself. She wasn’t a walking contradiction of doubts and fears like he was. She was brave, he was a coward, and how foolish of him to think that she could understand him like that. 

“Sorry, I guess, for this.” Simon covered his eyes with his hands and rubbed at his forehead. “I’ll just, go. Sorry for barging in.” 

He left, half hoping that Janine would call him back, like she used to. His bed was too small, too empty, too cold. He wanted to stay curled up next to her with their baby in between them, happy with his little family. 

She didn’t, of course. 

#

A week passed without further incident. He’d confessed his greatest fear and reason for turning traitor and it hadn’t seemed to matter an iota to Janine. 

Simon knocked on the door to warn Janine he was coming in, out of politeness, but he stopped as he nearly ran into Dr. Cohen. 

“Um.” The last few times they had met hadn’t gone well for him but Dr. Cohen didn’t seem like she was paying attention to him. 

“Mr. Lauchlan,” she said coolly. 

“Janine?” Simon asked, confused. 

“Ethan had a fever,” Janine said. She didn’t seem too concerned. But then, she hadn’t seemed much of anything for weeks. Simon’s look snapped to Ethan but he seemed alright. He was sucking away at a pacifier. 

“Babies do that. It’s nothing to worry about.” Paula’s voice was soothing and calm though it seemed wasted on Janine. “If it gets to forty degrees though you’ll need to bring him to us right away.” 

Simon moved out of the way to let her out, and he shut the door behind her, unsurprised to see Janine already making her way to her room. He followed her before she could shut it. 

“So you’ve made a friend,” Simon said, trying to put some joking tone in his voice. 

Janine’s lips stretched into a facsimile of a smile. “The doctor who is taking tests of my son and samples so one day she can inject him with a serum to turn him into an immortal zombie is not my friend, Mr. Lauchlan.”

“Right,” Simon said in a chastised tone after a full minute of silence. 

He didn’t leave as he should have. The urge to go over and sit on the edge of bed was strong. But Janine hadn’t kicked him out yet, and he got to see so little of his baby boy. Janine kept him as close to her as was possible. 

He’d been right to think she wanted to care for him with as little help from Simon as possible. And she’d been much more able than he’d thought. But then, that was Janine, always efficient and capable. He still didn’t think he had a clue on how to deal with an infant and Ethan was just about to hit the three month mark. 

Janine gave him a weary look. 

“Why are you still here?” she asked. 

Simon didn’t bother to grace that with a response. She knew, even if she wanted to be stubborn about it. 

“I can’t believe how big he’s getting,” Simon said instead. 

Janine sighed. She should have agreed or disagreed. Sprouted off some statistics or numbers that Dr. Cohen had given her or that she’d researched. Because that’s what Janine did, she would make a plan for the baby and chart his growth and be aware of every milestone he was supposed to hit and when. 

But all she could think about was wanting him away from her. 

“Will you ever forgive me?” Simon asked. 

Janine slowly met his eyes. And he shouldn’t have asked. It’d been six months since Abel had fallen. They had a child together. 

But six months was nothing. It wasn’t even a drop in eternity. 

“Never,” Janine said. Not an exaggeration. Just a promise hanging from each syllable.

“I’ll never stop loving you, never stop trying to protect you two-” 

“I will never forgive you, Simon Lauchlan.” 

Simon took a shaky breath. There was an empty feeling in his chest, like all the air had been replaced by a dead weight. She was so sure. So certain. 

But a few months ago she’d thought she could protect Abel. And she’d been wrong about that. 

Eternity, he tried to remind himself, but under Janine’s stare, he was acutely aware that it wouldn’t be enough. 

But, he thought, but but but. 

Ethan was here. Janine was in Van Ark’s compound. Abel was gone. She had no allies save for him. She had no friends. She had nothing but him. 

He’d saved himself and killed Abel and here was Janine, being suffocated slowly in the enemy’s keep. That was all she considered this. This wasn’t their cute little home, their shelter in the apocalypse. 

This was her hell. 

Simon had damned her with a kiss, in the end.

Tomorrow, he thought. Tomorrow he could find a way to make her see. He hadn’t turned traitor to hurt Abel he’d done it to save himself. He’d protected her and Ethan’s future. 

Tonight he would accept that Janine loathed him. 

But just for tonight. 

#

Yesterday had been a bad day. Simon had been distracted all morning but by afternoon had recovered most of his wits. Construction on the gym was back up after a new shipment of materials had come along. He couldn’t be too mad that materials were scarce and that it had kept halting, but some days it was just too cold or wet to run outdoors. And it wasn’t like Van Ark’s people had to go out rain or shine like Abel runners had. There were no real shortages for food here. 

Also Van Ark was eager to see the runners go out and begin to infiltrate certain settlements. Simon had the impression that he was also going to be asked to go out again, as if he could duplicate the success of Abel. 

Really, what was he supposed to say? He had no tips, no strategy. He wasn’t really a spy. He’d turned traitor for the winning team. And what kind of advice was that? 

Simon shook his head at himself. He’d been listening to Janine too much. Abel had been doomed. Anywhere that Van Ark wanted, he could get, because he was immortal. He could wait them all out. 

He knocked on his door and then unlocked it. 

“I’m back,” he called out, and right when he shut the door, something rammed into him, his back slamming against the closed door.

Then a searing pain in his stomach. 

Simon staggered forward and collapsed. His blood was pouring out and he couldn’t stop it. The wound was too deep, it hurt too much, and he needed help, he needed to protect Janine, to protect Ethan, because this was what eternity was for. That they’d never have this fear. 

His assailant rolled him over and Simon stared up at Janine. He tried to say her name but then she dragged his body and propped him against the wall so she could riffle through his pockets for his card key. With that she’d be able to get out all the more quickly. Simon barely felt her as she inspected him with ruthless efficiency. He could still remember when she’d touched him with love, to make him feel good. 

He could see his blood on the ground and bits of meat. His entrails, probably. Janine had been going in for the kill from the beginning. Simon wanted to laugh. He’d never had a chance. Oh god, why, why had he been so stupid. 

His organs were in his hands, slippery and fragile, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep them inside. Simon watched Janine leave him and go to grab her prepared bag from under the bed. She put Ethan in a sling, his head nestled against her chest. 

“You’ll die,” Simon rasped out, despite the pain shooting through him with every word and breath. 

Janine looked down at him. There was no pity in her eyes. She’d done what she needed to, and she wouldn’t regret it. 

“I would rather die trying to escape,” she said in a low tone. Of course she would. Janine was strong, brave, she was a warrior to the end. 

Simon was holding his cowardly guts in his hands. 

Someone else was at the door, and Simon turned to see Dr. Cohen. She barely spared him a glance. Maybe not friends, but an alliance of sorts to escape, then. 

He wanted to warn Janine again. Van Ark would give chase. And even if he didn’t notice them, the countryside was swarming with zombies. Ethan would never make it. Janine would die. Everything he had worked for, gone. 

Janine left without saying another word to him. He watched as she locked the door behind her. No one would come to check on him until tomorrow when he didn’t show up to train the runners. 

He hadn’t prayed in so long. Simon did now, not for forgiveness, but for Janine and Ethan to make it to safety. They had to. Janine could do it, with some luck on her side. She deserved to live. Ethan deserved to grow up. They both deserved better. 

Simon closed his eyes and waited for hell.


End file.
